Written by Patsy Telpner, Meghan's mom. Post a question below in the comments sections and Patsy will choose one to answer in her next post.
I too have been with my man since 16, for ten years now. As life goes on and growing up occurs (with circumstance, not very much mentally), life-changing decisions crop up. How have you dealt with communicating about life-changing decisions such as moving to new places, children, jobs etc. with Mr. Telpner? Do you think the perspective of your young love had any influence good or bad? How do you work through communication problems? -Anna
Advice From Mom
This is a great question and I will try and give you my insight. Please keep in mind I do not come at this with any “formal” training in relationship counseling but just some insight and a lot of experience. Mostly I can tell you what worked for me and for us as a couple. Here are my ten points, I hope something will resonate for you and others.
They are not in order of importance, you can decide what is most important to you. Love of course is first what brought you together, so it stands alone.
Patsy's List For Lasting Love
- Compromise: Marriage and relationships evolve and change with time and so you have to be first and foremost flexible and willing to compromise. It may not be exactly what you want but it works both ways and has to. You may be wrong, he may be wrong but that’s life.
- Being each other’s best friend. I would put this at the top of the list. We always discussed every decision that had to be made that would affect our life. It has to go back and forth and sometimes you don’t like what you hear but that is where compromise comes in.
- Respect. You need to believe that you respect each other and what you do. Even if the decision turned out to be the wrong one, you work through it and still respect it. No one intentionally does something wrong or hurtful, but mistakes happen so forgive and move on.
- Trust. Need I say more.
- Financial. This can destroy a relationship the fastest. We started our life together with $5000.00 in wedding gift money. We opened a joint bank account and never changed that. We built our lives together from day one. That is so much more difficult when you meet later in life, so you may have an advantage. Share in the spending and saving decisions. Never ever overextend yourselves to point of causing anxiety. There is nothing you need badly enough, trust me! Money is the cause of so much grief.
- Spark. There has to always be a spark that can be turned up to a flame. You go through day to day life and forget that. But whether it is date nights, little escapes away from the day to day- anything that gets the spark going. Don’t wait too long either. Do what it takes. One of you has to take note that you need a boost to the spark.
- Communicate. “Say what you mean and mean what you say”.
- Say nothing. Sometimes just listening and keeping your opinions to yourself goes a long way. He needs to think things through and talk out loud. At my house we call it “talking out of your ass”.
- Play and laugh together.
- Make yourself content and happy, no one can do that for you. Expecting your happiness to come form your partner puts way too much pressure on them. You should be happy with yourself, and if you’re not content and happy, figure out why. If you can’t do it on your own seek out someone who can help you other than your partner. Girlfriends are good to talk to but a professional is better.
Good luck. Remember life has its ups and downs, nothing is perfect, but you can try hard to make it as good as it can be. Never ever stop trying.
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