Inspiration from Meghan

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Tempeh Testicles


Don't those sound just yummy!

Giggling or offended? See, if you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that I take great offense when food is surrounded by quotes. Like dairy and pasta free 'Mac and Cheese' or meatless "Chicken" stir fry. So when I came up with this recipe, I was not about to call them "Meat" Balls. They are not meat! They are made with tempeh. Since they are definitely balls, I thought, Hey now, why not throw the Tempeh up in the title 'cause that's what their made of and put Testicles in quotes 'cause they certainly aren't real testicles but they are balls. So there you have it, Tempeh Testicles, and wouldn't you know that I devoured the lot of them quick as can be. Ravenous I was :)

I did save a couple for my delightful brand shiny new assistant Tova to try. Tova loved them too and we totally high fived on the name. I have a feeling Tova and I will get on real well.

Now on with the show. These are the closest thing I can think that work like real meatballs. You know that I don't throw soy around my kitchen senselessly but when I do eat it, it will be in a fermented form- such as the case with tempeh. (Read more on tempeh here). I have seen many recipes that use tempeh in pasta but it is left in whole chunks and just cooked with the sauce. Somewhere in my genius creative cooking soul (ok... maybe just creative), I saw before me a block of tempeh and wanted to see what would happen to the consistency if I threw it in the food processor. Low and behold, I got ground tempeh! (Were I really a genius, I would have known that would happen). It ground up into little bits, I threw it in a bowl and mixed in the usual meat ball stuff.

Just kidding! I spared myself the egg, ketchup and bread crumbs and instead mixed in a little ground flax, some almond butter, some herbs and spices, a little starch and I had some sweet ball ready mixture in my hot little hands. This goes wonderfully delicious with Grandma Meghan's Secret Tomato Sauce but would also be deeelicioso in a wrap or on a salad for a little dosage of protein and flavour. Give these tasty testes a go and see what you think. Please note: If you are serving them to young children, I urge you to change the name.


Tempeh Testicles

by Meghan Telpner

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer entree dinner lunch dairy-free gluten-free sugar-free vegan vegetarian tempeh whole food

Ingredients (8-10)

  • 1 package of tempeh
  • 1 clove of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup onion, finely chopped
  • 1 Tbs almond butter
  • 1 Tbs flaxseeds, ground, + 1/4 cup of water (mixed thoroughly as egg replacement)
  • 1/4 cup parsley, chopped
  • 1 Tbs dried basil
  • 1 Tbs dried oregano
  • 1/2 tsp sea salt
  • 1 Tbs arrowroot flour
  • 1 Tbs water (or as needed to make batter stick)


Process tempeh in a food processor or chop finely to resemble a ground meat-like thing.

Mix in with all other ingredients.

Roll in to balls and place on parchment paper lined baking sheet.

Bake at 350 for 15 mins.

Allow to cool.

37 Responses to “Tempeh Testicles”

  1. Meghan Telpner said…
    In ball sack of course!
  2. Melisser said…
    Hahaha! If Tempeh Testicles weren't alliteration, I would have gone with Nards!
  3. I cannot wait to make myself some testes. :)
  4. OMG! I just bought tempeh yesterday. Sounds like I have an irreverent lunch on the way!
  5. Ashley said…
    These tantalizing testicles were a part of my Thanksgiving meal! I made half the mixture into balls and half into a mini-loaf. Turned out so well!! There will be pics up on the blog tomorrow
  6. lee said…
    tried these tonight. tweaked the testicles a bit - added grated carrots! it worked! froze some for later. will make sure to try to make the tomato sauce to pair. love it. thanks so much for this.
  7. [...] tempeh testicles, my fair weather lovers! How is August looking into its last sweet half? I don’t know about [...]
  8. [...] “Testicles” to pickles. It’s how we roll around here. Now, who doesn’t love a good dill [...]
  9. Renee said…
    I made these for thanksgiving with rosemary, thyme, sage and celery. Soooo good. The only other change I made was putting a drop of olive oil on each one cause they were not browning. The only change I would make is more salt, pepper, other spices for more flavor.

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